Talking is my drug of choice. Wanna chat? I always do. I can talk folks into complete submission and numbness on a good day (which is most days). I'm a notorious over-sharing TMI sort of person. And, when I go over the edge, it's not really communication, it's blasting away with a bullhorn.
That's all well and good, but it means I have to become an adroit listener too. That's the hardest part of communication: being a good listener. Some days I am better at it than others. But, it's an ongoing challenge that I am fully aware of. The tough part is putting it into action by shutting up long enough to give the listener a chance to respond, no matter how long it takes.
Actually, being a good listener takes the pressure off. You don't always have to be thinking ahead about what you feel compelled to say. That just makes you not hear what the other person is saying. One of the most empowering actions anyone can take is to hear another person out. Let them have their complete say and they will respect and enjoy discussing anything with you.
I you are all ears, they will be much more likely to share their thoughts with you. But, when you deny them that courtesy and pleasure, you're likely to get tuned out if you don't reciprocate. In other words, let your listener get many words in edgewise. Yes, even I have been a victim of somebody else's over-sharing. We all know how that feels, and it ain't good.
When you are totally in the moment and being an attentive and caring listener, you are giving one of the greatest gifts you can give: patience, understanding and compassion. Even if what you're hearing troubles you, the fact that you are accepting the speaker's thoughts means you are giving them value, both what is being said and the speaker himself. Everybody likes that.
In this golden age of Internet word-spewing, we often get to do what I'm engaging in this very second: a completely one-sided conversation. I can't listen to you when I'm writing. But, what are you gonna do? However, I think it makes us all lousier listeners because we're just putting forth our opinions and ideas with no feedback.
Be that as it may, if you are a willing participant in real 2-way conversation, and you realize that listening is as important as talking, then you have it up on many other folks.
I just try to be aware that when I'm conversing with my wife, a friend, a work colleague, and especially with the psychiatric patients I work with, that if you are willing to give in to your full-on desire to express yourself, and really lend a sympathetic ear, then when you get your shot, it will have that much more credibility.
Thanks for listening.
