Remember when you got married? Everything was wonderful because you were in love andwereloved. Life was perfect as you anticipated a lifetime of wedded bliss and a future filled with love and happiness. Your wedding vows were so meaningful as you gazed into each other’s eyes knowing you would be together as long as you both shall live.
What happened? Now one or both of you is contemplating or threatening divorce. Marriage is not what you expected and your lover turned into a husband/wife. The love you once shared is never mentioned and certainly never felt as you drift farther and farther apart. You didn’t realize that being together for a lifetime could seem so long.
Unhappy marriages are not uncommon. Unhappiness sometimes begins on the honeymoon and sometimes years later. It can come suddenly or creep up on you like old age. Many of us have stared in the mirror and wondered who that old person is. It’s like that in marriage when you stare at your spouse and wonder who that stranger is.
Surely, that’s not the person you married.
But it is and you can be in love and happily married all over again with a little combined effort. Stop the divorce and don’t even mention the D word until you’ve given it a sincere try to rekindle the spark that was once there. Look closely and I’m sure you can see a little flame now.
You’ve probably been told that to have a happy marriage you must communicate. So, begin with talking. Whatever’s been at the root of your problems discuss them openly and honestly. What have you got to lose? Communicate and negotiate. A good life is learning to compromise because it won’t always go your way. Don’t let the wind blow you away but bend a little.
Both of you bring to the talk table a list of things you’d like to see the other do to save the marriage. Don’t just be negative. List the things that annoy you but also list things that give you pleasure and make you smile. Take the list seriously and implement it today.
Don’t let the list limit your actions. Create ways to make your partner feel special and loved again. Tell them in a short note that you love and appreciate them via email or a phone call. They may be busy so don’t linger. Say sweet nothings and leave them wanting more. Marriage should be fun and filled with humor. You’re more likely to live together if you laugh together.
Get closer. Touch each other. When you pass, kiss their neck or ear or squeeze their hand. Do things together instead of watching TV. Special interests together offer an opportunity to do more talking, bonding and remembering why you loved them in the first place. The bottom line here is to be friends as well as lovers. When respect returns so does love and when you love someone there is no need for divorce.
