You both started out in love, you thought enough of each other to marry, but something has changed, maybe about the relationship or maybe you have changed from who you were, whatever the reason, it is serious enough for your partner to want a divorce. Divorce is such a terrible thing to happen but is becoming increasingly common. If you have kids this adds to the distress as your kids are going to be dragged through the whole emotional trauma, and who knows what kind of effect it could have on them. So, how to stop your divorce and save your marriage?
First of all you have to be prepared for the possibility that this could be it and that you will have to build a new life without your partner. It is not a pleasant thought, but the sooner you can get your head around it and bring your emotions under control, the sooner you get on with saving your marriage!
Do not make promises, especially if you have made them before unless you can add substance to them. For example, "I will change," prove it, "I will not do it again," prove it!!! Words are meaningless unless you are prepared to take action on them. This is especially true if you have made these promises before, if you give your word on something then make sure that you keep it, it will reflect badly on you if you do not.
Something has obviously gone wrong somewhere, try figure out where from your perspective and you also need to sit down with your partner to find out where they are coming from. It is possible that your partner might not want to do this, in which case you still need to put your thoughts to them, let them know that you love them and that you believe that the marriage can work. Whatever you do, do not beg for another chance! People tend to shy away from the desperate, it also demeans you and will make you an object of pity to be looked down upon, not the equal half of a relationship. Once you have said your piece then it is subject closed. Your partner knows how you feel, you do not have to go on, and on, and on about it, this will only further widen the gulf.
You have to be strong, calm and in control! You need to be able to respect your partners decision to divorce and difficult as it may be, if you are unable to and keep fighting the decision, then you are more likely to build and perpetuate hostility than resolve your differences.
By remaining calm, strong and positive you will find your partner looking at you in a new light. When, instead of losing your temper and creating flashpoints your are able to put case calmly and rationally, your partner will respond more positively to that and you are more likely to be able to sit down and discuss your differences. This works in so many different situations and not just relationships, when you are confronted by someone emotionally keyed up for conflict then smile, be pleasant, it is very difficult for someone to be angry with someone who will not respond. There is probably some fancy term for it but it can diffuse a situation very quickly.
If you want to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you have to keep communicating, by not doing so you allow potential problems to creep in which could prove devastating. In this keep the talk going on anything that is not confrontational, keep it to everyday things such as the kids, bills that need paying, mail to pick up etc, etc. You can text, email or call to say ask how they are doing but nothing clingy, you want to show that your are thinking about them and that you care. If you can control flashpoint areas then both of you are unlikely to get confrontational. If you are not confrontational then you are more likely to be able to sit down with each other and resolve your situation. If the love is still there and you can agree how to move forward then your marriage could go from strength to strength.
That is so long as you keep working at the marriage! There is no point in going through all this grief only to end up back in this situation. Taking the time to communicate with your partner, to show them that you care is hardly the most arduous work, you never know, you might even find that you enjoy it. Whatever your situation, I do most sincerely hope that you are able to resolve it and take your marriage forward to something stronger and more fulfilling.
