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Teens have always found ways to rebel, for one reason or another, and today’s teens are more “in your face” than in previous generations. More than ever before, teens are pushing limits and boundaries set by their parents, going so far as to publicly disrespect, physically abuse and even kill their parents. Teens are quickly rejecting values and ideals set forth by their parents, opting to follow newfound beliefs based on what they see in movies or television, music and Websites.
When my children were growing up, I did not allow them to watch even cartoon-type shows where children were verbally or physically disrespectful towards parents, using foul language or disgusting hand gestures. Nowadays, parents not only allow their children to watch endless hours of unsupervised television each day, but parents have somehow found it funny to watch such shows with their children sitting beside them. Then they’re somehow surprised when their children begin acting out what they’ve seen or heard.
What’s A Parent To Do?
Educate yourself. Read a lot of books about teenagers and parenting teens. Carefully consider the advice given, weighing it against what you know in your heart and soul holds up your personal morals and values. Remember what becoming a teenager was like for you.
Parents who know what’s coming are better able to help their teenage children deal with the body changes, mood swings, odd feelings, etc. Work hard to keep the channels of communication open with your teens, ask meaningful questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer, but don’t go overboard by starting lengthy lectures.
Teach Right From Wrong-
Be a good example, personally modeling the behaviors you desire from your teens. If you think for a minute that you can have a “do as I say, not as I do” type scenario going on, I’ve got some ocean-front property in Arizona I’d like to discuss with you.
During one particular scheduled visitation with their dad, my now-grown children witnessed him gathering up the silverware at a restaurant he’d taken them to, laughing as he explained to our children his “reasons” for stealing the silverware, all the while telling them they should never steal. Tip: Kids aren’t stupid. They learn what they live, and it took some time to get them to understand that sometimes even parents make errors in judgment.
Pick And Choose Your Battles
If you’re okay with your teenagers dying their hair, shaving their head, having a Mohawk, or wearing funky clothes, so be it. But if your expectations are that your teenage children uphold a more conservative style, then make sure you have clearly stated that position with your children and teens, explaining in a calm yet firm voice that what other families may allow their children or teens to do has no bearing on the decisions within your family.
Despite all your best efforts, there will likely be times when your kid will be downright obnoxious. Even during those times, it’s imperative that your child know that you still love them. While you have every right to express your displeasure and disapproval over something they’ve said or done, it’s best to do so without hysteria, empty threats, or getting physical.
Your teen will likely attempt to argue or debate over every little thing, but raising your voice to the point of shattering glass won’t accomplish anything but a sore throat. My daughter used to try to debate me endlessly, but once I realized the game she was trying to play in order to get her way, I began telling her “this is not up for debate”. She learned rather quickly not to try to manipulate me. Tip: Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Know Their Friends And Their Friends Parents-
I cannot emphasize this enough. I do not mean simply knowing their friends names, addresses and phone numbers. While it is important to know where your children and teens are, who they’re with, what they’re doing, it is also extremely important to get to know the parents.
Not all parents will act in the best interests of their own children, let alone your children. Some parents allow their teens to drink alcohol as long as they are at home with the parents. If you do not allow your teens to drink, you need to know whether other parents will abide by your rules.
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