Much focus and attention is placed on the best man speech. I can see why, of course. The guests are expecting an oratory masterpiece, filled with captivating anecdotes that will have them both laughing and crying - at the same time! The best man speech is what the guests wait for in anticipation and what you spend months fretting about. There are other duties for which the best man is responsible and many of these require a certain mastery of diplomacy.
Yes, with all the other worries on you mind you also have to be a master diplomat. If the role of best man was written into a job description it would make interesting reading and would, most probably, scare most people off completely. If you want to be the best best man then diplomacy is an essential skill.
To help you along the way to success I have pointed out some areas where donning your diplomatic hat will make the whole wedding planning, preparation and organisation far more smoother - not just for you but for all involved.
Firstly, though, let's set the scene. Firstly you have the groom; he is most probably doing little apart from doing what he is told. Essentially the groom has three viewpoints and little in between, these being the bachelor party, the ceremony and the wedding reception. Then we have the bride, undoubtedly the most important person on the wedding day. She is also probably the primary organizer / decision maker and will most probably be supported by her closest friends and mother in the preparation and organization. The bride's father will probably be involved to a lesser extent, he wants his daughter to be happy and the big day to go smoothly (also somewhat because he has probably stumped up vast quantities of cash to pay for the wedding). The groom's parents, again, will be involved to a lesser extent, perhaps helping out with some arrangements.
The bride and groom are both going through a stressful time during all the preparation, the bride probably much more that the groom. Remember that your role is not to always side with the groom! Be tactful, act as the middle man. Remember that this is going to be the bride's big day - more than anyone else's and she will have the ultimate say in any decision making. If the groom is loosing is head then you can't and if you are then at least don't show it! Re-assure the groom that you are the right man for the job, remain calm at all times and allow the groom to rely on you.
I would suggest meeting with the bride and groom as early as possible. Not only will you be able to start researching your speech but you can also offer your services. Use this time to get as much information as possible about the schedule but do not proffer your opinion or advice if not asked. This is a time for listening, your time for speaking will come later!
The bachelor party is one of the bigger responsibilities of the best man. It is highly possible that the bride and her immediate family do not want to know what you intend to get up to, fearful that you will organize a stereotypical event, filled with alcohol and naked women. Put her mind at rest or if this is in fact the case then don't overstate it - she doesn't want to hear it! During the bachelor party you are the leader. If anything goes wrong you have to sort it out - you have to get the groom home. I am not saying you can't join in but just be mindful that whilst the groom may end up lying unconscious on the floor in a foetal position you can't.
If there is to be an engagement party then this is an excellent opportunity to meet other wedding guests. Introduce yourself and put their mind at rest. With nothing else to go on these people may just size you up to be the man who led the groom astray during his misspent youth. Dispel this tainted vision and get them on your side.
There you have it, not only have you got to block out the whole of your diary for the week before the wedding and have to write, prepare and deliver a great best man speech - you have to be a diplomat too!
