The Harsh Reality Of Living With M.e - Battle For Acceptance

I first realized I wasn’t my normal self towards the Christmas holidays...I'd just finished school and during my GCSE's I'd contracted a virus known as glandular fever which seems to be quite a popular trigger for M.E/CFS (Myalgic Encephalopathy/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)

...I was studying Animal Management at Sparsholt college in Winchester. During early November I began falling asleep during class, which at first I thought was just the sudden adjustment to full time study as at the beginning of year 10 I was put on a reduced timetable due to severe Tourettes. The course timetable entitled students to a day off college each week, which for myself were spent sleeping on the sofa at home, my psychiatrist recommended I get another blood test to assure the Glandular Fever was out of my system. Tests revealed that I was clear of the fever and also ruled out anemia and other possible reasons for the fatigue. I had to rehome my puppy due to not being able to care for her properly which was a very heartbreaking decision...By December I had deteriorated, but still battled to keep up my course, the college did all they could to accommodate my needs, eventually my psychiatrist diagnosed M.E as the cause and by February 2008 that diagnosis was made official. I had to give up my course because I became too ill to continue as animal management is a naturally a demanding field of work. I became very isolated as I wasn't well enough to go out, to be honest it took me a long time to accept that I wasn't my normal self, I still have trouble accepting that I can't keep up with friends etc...it get's very frustrating. By July 2008 I was forced to use a wheelchair to get me about places, as you can imagine being forced to use a wheelchair to go shopping or enjoy any form of socializing is a rather difficult adjustment...which a lot of M.E sufferers have had to overcome. I lost friends because they didn't understand, I soon stopped using the wheelchair due to embarrassment, although I understand lots of people have to use wheelchairs because of paralysis or other more obvious reasons I myself just couldn't deal with the change. I felt that I shouldn't need one, because physically I had working bones, so it felt almost discriminating for me to be using one...although I actually needed the extra support because I couldn't walk, not without losing my balance or almost collapsing after a few steps. So after spending the majority of my time at home I had built up a little strength due to resting so much, I wanted to venture into town without my wheelchair, I managed, but not for long, I had to hold my mother's arm for support and wear sunglasses often as the light would hurt my eyes. Time went on and I did start to get stronger, I learnt about pacing which is vital towards the your recovery...you learn to do one thing at a time, even eating use to tire me out, my arms would ache from lifting the folk to my mouth, chewing became a challenge and so I began losing weight rapidly, little everyday things that people take for granted became a struggle and will continue to be a struggle for most M.E sufferers. Whereas most healthy people could take the dog for a walk and then come home and do something else without any problems we have to decide if we could take the dog out and then accept not be able to do anything for the rest of the day. Some sufferers are too ill to even contemplate taking the dog out. There's different levels of the illness. Did we ask for it...? No. But we got it and now have to live with it. There was recently a poll published in the Daily Mail which was quite humiliating for me to see. The poll asked readers to vote on whether they thought M.E was a “real” illness! Obviously this upset and angered a lot of sufferers, to think that other people are judging how we feel when they no nothing of how debilitating it is to live with. We don't chose this way of life, just like people don’t chose to have cancer or to be born without a limb. I myself have so many plans that I'd love to peruse, so many dreams...I'd love to go back to college and as I am recovering this may be possible in September this year (2010). But for many they have suffered severe M.E for years and years, and for some it will never go away. It's there and is defiantly real...trust us! We're not something you can defy...Just because we don't have our leg in plaster and there's no outward physical signs, doesn't mean that there is nothing wrong with us. M.E is a severely debilitating condition that impacts greatly on a sufferers life and there is no way of knowing if or when a sufferer is going to be able to lead a normal life again. I’m writing this to inform others about the condition, for those who want to learn about it and for general awareness so people will maybe think twice before judging us.