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An old children’s rhyme says, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” While this playground quotation should be true, anyone involved in counseling knows it is rarely reality. Being offended by what others do to us or around us can be a dangerous path. There are two reasons for this. One is psychological and the other spiritual. From a psychological perspective, when we attempt to manage another’s actions or change them in any way, we are in for grave disappointment. We cannot change others, and any attempt to do so can lead to emotional turmoil. True strength comes in changing ourselves and that means our ‘reactions’ to others. For it is not what others do to us that counts, but what we think about what they do to us that matters. Offenses lie in our mind not in others’ actions. No one can insult you or hurt you verbally unless you decide to allow it. From a spiritual perspective, the truth of the matter is that as believers we have no right to take offense at what others do or say to us. When someone tells me of the damaging words or actions of another, I like to encourage them with the life of Christ. He is, after all, our model. If you search scripture you will find that Christ never took offense for what others did to him. He was only angry at others’ actions when they offended the Father. His focus (just like ours should be) was on God and his instruction. Christ did not focus on the violence or angry words that were cast upon him. Instead he prayed for those who attacked him. If we, as believers, can turn our focus upward instead of inward, we can be free from the slings and arrows of mean people. There is a unique kind of freedom that comes with deciding not to allow the hurtful words and mean actions of others to control us. In 1 Peter 2:23, it says of Jesus, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (NIV). Once we learn that it is not up to us to correct and manage the world, we can be free from many of the chains that bind us and keep us in emotional turmoil. It is only in trusting God and his promises that those who are easily upset by others can be set free. Jesus himself said, “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28, NIV). So how can we be so quick to take offense at what others might do or say to us? Encourage others to hear Jesus’ words, model his actions and avoid the trap of ‘self’ by taking personal offense. Christian Counselor is always available to help you out. _Hayley DiMarco has a passion for producing relevant material for teens and adults alike. She and her husband, Michael, run Hungry Planet ( ), a publishing company reaching the multi-tasking mindset. She is the best-selling author of_ Mean Girls, Mean Girls All Grown Up, Dateable and Marriable. The couple lives in Nashville, Tennessee.
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