When it is you that is going through a divorce, it seems like you are the only one to have ever faced this difficult time of life. But experts tell us that the most common reasons for divorce are often the same from couple to couple. If you go by the things people state in their official divorce papers as the top ten reasons people get divorced, that isn't very detailed information. "Irreconcilable differences" covers a lot of ground. But marriage counselors who make their livings studying reasons for separation and divorce can give us a better picture of what drives couples apart. With their input in mind, the following list is a better overview of the top ten reasons people get divorced.
1.Cheating
There is a good reason that cheating ranks high on the top ten reasons people get divorced. In many cases, the infidelity is really a symptom of deeper problems in the marriage. But because cheating is such an obvious good reason to file for divorce, at last a third of the divorces that are filed list that as the rational.
The types of cheating that can break up a marriage can vary from long term affairs to flings to episodes with someone else that happen from time to time. When things begin to unravel in the marriage and the reasons for separation or divorce, the explanations for having the affair are also part of the most common reasons for divorce. Sometimes the reasons lie in anger at the spouse, a desire for revenge for a perceived wrong, boredom with the sex life in the marriage and other common "excuses" for violating the wedding vows.
2.Talk to Me!
The breakdown in communications is a one of the most common reasons for divorce. It is tragic when a couple that could not stop talking to each other when they were dating come to that point where is nothing left to say. Usually if counseling is sought, it comes out that there is an event that caused the communication lines in the marriage to collapse.
In many cases, when communication turns from romance to constant argument and violent disagreements, a chilly silence settles over the marriage. The end result that ends the marriage is the reason lack of communication ranks high on the top ten reasons people get divorced.
3.One Word - Suffering!
Physical, emotional or psychological abuse fits in the top ten most common reasons people get divorced without dispute. If one spouse become abusive toward the other in any way and if that abuse then is extended to the children, there is really no other recourse than to separate that couple.
While physical or sexual abuse is a crime, emotional or psychological abuse can be just as damaging. When one spouse uses verbal insults, angry assaults, threats, humiliation, sarcasm, criticism and intimidation on the family, it doesn't take long for that marriage to fall apart.
4.Show me the Money
We live in a time when many families are under tremendous economic stress. Financial problems are on the list of top ten most common reasons people get divorced because without a solid economic grounding, it is hard to keep a marriage going well. It isn't always a shortfall of funds that creates money troubles that lead to divorce.
If one spouse has different economical priorities or the management of the money is not something that the couple can agree on, that is a fracture that can lead to a permanent break in the ability of that couple to stay together. So in terms of a reason for separation or divorce, problems with money and finances ranks high.
5.Problems in Bed
Sexual problems that rank on the top ten most common reasons people get divorced have to do with other things than cheating. Sometimes one spouse needs or wants sex more than the other spouse does. It can be difficult to get the pattern of sexual activity between the two marriage partners to work in synchronization and that stress can lead to other problems with the marriage.
Early in a marriage, the sexual need is often strong which explains why sexual incompatibility is one of the reasons for separation or divorce. In addition to frequency, the desire for sexual diversity can create stress and eventually cause a marriage to fall apart if the couple is not able to compromise and find areas of agreement that can satisfy both partners.
6. Entertain Me!
When people are honest about what drives them apart, often the answer is nothing more than being bored with a long term relationship. The courtship process which is followed by a big wedding and an exciting honeymoon is a time of tremendous adventure, romance and excitement. The real work of a marriage is keeping the love alive when the couple settles into the tedium of working and day in day out life.
That is when one or both members of the marriage may stray due to boredom. Many times the husband and wife become distant and lose touch emotionally with each other during this kind of decay of a relationship. Many amicable divorces end because of simple boredom.
7.We are Just Too Different
When couples fall in love despite being from very different cultures, religious or ethnic backgrounds, that has that "Romeo and Juliet" romantic appeal. But often the advice of wise counselors comes from the reason these differences become part of the top ten most common reasons for divorce. The pressures those differences put on a marriage come from expectations in lifestyle and priorities that come from our culture, family and ethnic origins. When the spouse does not wish to conform or honor those traditions, that can create stress in the relationships which pushes the couple apart.
The differences between the two marital partners that may have been exotic and exciting during courtship can become source of offense and resentment when neither spouse adapts to the other's culture quickly after the wedding and honeymoon are over. If there are differences in religious views and culture, that can make the stress on the marriage stronger still especially if there are children involved. That is why marriage counselors try to emphasize that these kinds of differences are significant reasons for separation and divorce that couples should be aware of going into the marriage so their union doesn't become part of those large divorce statistics that we all hear so much about.
8.Issues with Children
Children are a blessing but they also introduce new levels of stress and opportunities for dispute in a marriage. If one parent has specific and strongly held beliefs about child rearing that are not supported or enforced by the other parent, that can cause this conflict to rank as one of the top ten most common reasons people get divorced.
The problem becomes more difficult if one parent neglects or is abusive toward the children. But the most common reasons for divorce when it comes to the children center around issues about the child rearing process including dealing with school related issues and disagreements about discipline.
9.Disruptive or Dangerous Personal Problems
Most of the entries in the top ten most common reasons people get divorced center around issues between the couple or with family or work. But if one of the partners in the marriage brings into the marriage or develops an addiction or some other kind of disruptive personal issue, that can destroy a marriage just as quickly as a bad sex life or problems with finances.
An addition to alcohol, gambling, drugs, food or even the internet can drive a wedge between husband and wife and set in motion the destruction of a once healthy romance. In fact, addiction problems are very commonly sited in at fault divorces as the primary reason to end the marriage.
10.The Same Page
Most people who go into marriage for the first time learn quickly that it is not what they expected. If those expectations differ too drastically from the hopes and dreams of the marriage partners, that disappointment can deal a death blow to the union. A shift in priorities for one spouse that are not agreed to by the other spouse is a significant cause for separation which puts this issue on the list of the top ten most common reasons people divorce.
That is why communication and realistic expectations going into a marriage are the keys to keeping it out of the divorce courts and for the marriage couple to continue grow and enjoy a lively romance for many years and decades together.
