As a very outgoing, energetic, and talkative woman, I have many times spoken out of turn, and spoken without thinking. I became very proficient in apologizing. I would keep talking until I either embarrassed my listener, or hurt the feelings of my listener.
I would then lapse into,"I am so sorry. I didn't mean that how it sounded. I apologize. I was so insensitive..."
Shaking my head, I would try to remain quiet for the rest of the conversation.
As I got older, I wanted to grow wiser. . . I owned a small business and was a public speaker. Offering excellent impressions, a solid reputation and flawless integrity were paramount to my success in both endeavors. I could not afford to be so loose lipped any longer.
I began to ask myself this question,"Why was I so quick to jump into a conversation before I had FULL knowledge of what was being talked about?"
Anything spoken, even the wrong words, seemed better than silence. Does that sound like anyone you know? A loved one? Or maybe even yourself?
I finally discovered the answer to my question one day when I was alone with no one to talk to. I realized that growing up in my family, there was never any silence. We ate every meal with the TV on, or my parents watched TV while I read at the table. We had music piped into speakers throughout the house. I had discovered why I found silence so overbearing but now what was I going to do with that knowledge?
What would you do?
Well, due to some other happenings in my life, I was going to a family therapist and she suggested I look at an acronym. . . you know one of those things where the letters of a word help you remember the whole word?
LikeB.R.A.T.(a diet for folks with upset tummy's) which isBreadRiceApplesauceToastorSCUBAwhich isself-containedunderwaterbreathingapparatus.
It is like a trick word to help your mind remember. Ah, now this was something that appealed to my game loving personality!
My word isTHINK. My instructions were to ask myself if what I was about to say was:
- Tactful?
- Honest?
- Important?
- Necessary?
- Kind?
If the answer to any part of those was NO, then I would say nothing. Our therapist wanted me to learn that silence was an option. . . sometimes a needed, valuable and necessary option.
I want to encourage you too. Maybe you know someone like me. . . ok, I knowsomeof you are a lot like me. . . a little too "loose jawed". . . well, let me tell you, there is hope.
I learned to stop and ask myself to THINK before speaking.
THINK=TactfulHonestImportantNecessaryKind
You know what? My relationships improved. My self control improved. I quit hurting people's feelings. I became in control of my mouth instead of my mouth being in control of me.
Sweet, huh? You can do it too!!!
It won't happen overnight but if you keep trying, it will work!! I promise you! Just keep trying because you are worth it!! Your relationships are worth it too.
