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Anger
The average person experiences 15 anger situations per day. You can choose to nurture the anger and make yourself sick or you can choose to fix what you can and accept what you cannot change.
Anger reveals information about people's values and personal constructs of importance. What makes you angry? Is it reasonable and/or productive to get all upset over these things?
Expression of anger for men and women is often dictated/indicated by their particular culture. How do you express anger? Sarcasm? Aggression? Depression? Physical illness such as ulcers, indigestion, cancer…
Exercise, venting and time-out are often good strategies to dissipate the adrenaline, but are not effective for coping with anger. You still have to either fix/change what made you angry or change the way you feel about it by looking at the positive or just accepting it.
Coping with anger requires people to recognize what caused the anger and modify that stressor or perceptions about that stressor. Good communication, fair fighting and self-awareness are all important components for anger management.It is important for people to know their personal anger styles, triggers and most effective anger management skills.
Fear
There are six basic human fears: failure, rejection, the unknown, death, isolation and loss of control.
Most of the time when people experience anger, if they look deeper they can find that this situation caused them to feel one of the six basic fears.
The reason people experience this fear is often because of something they learned growing up. What messages did you get about success/failure? How were you taught to deal with the unknown? What messages were you given about being in control? Were you raised that you need to be liked by everyone?
Summary
Get a piece of paper. Draw four columns. In the first column, spend 20 minutes writing down all of the things that make you angry or irritated. Next to each anger trigger, write why that makes you angry. In the third column, identify where you were taught/who taught you that value. Now assess the trigger. If it is not something that is really worth getting upset over, place an X in the column. If it is something that is changeable, write how you will change it so you get less angry.
Now you have a plan for handling your anger triggers. Whenever a new trigger arises, add it to your chart. More suggestions can be found at
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