Waterfall
I had never seen a waterfall and I watched the roaring waters thunder down into a water pool that glossily reflected the hot sun that was amidst bedrock that jagged through the earth. I quickly took off my khaki outer clothing and jumped into the pool of water. My sister decided not to follow me and sat atop one of the rocks watching me.
I will never forget her facial expression. It was a combination of anxiety, confusion, and deep sorrow. She was grieving after we buried our mother and I knew she felt the same way as I did about our terrible loss.
I remember the bloody mess in the den where she slept with the television on that kept her company until she fell asleep, the outline of the knife where it had been dropped in the foyer, and the image of her body drawn on the driveway as she ran from the perpetrator to get help. I could not fathom such a brutal murder of a loved one for anyone to manage life afterwards.
I looked away from my sister and began to float backside on the surface of the water. I began to relax as the falls overflowed with its coolness into the pool of water. I worried tremendously about how to recover from getting caught red-handed by this painful experience. My deep pain, grief, and sadness I felt deeply within me whirpooled down with the current to the bottom of the water pool. I felt most free during this quickest of moments and thought how ironic it was that I would feel this way now in this point of my life. The feeling was as if a hand was holding me up from the Romulus waters and stroking my body. I felt this must be similar to Heaven. In that special moment, I knew that my mother was in a wonderful place beyond my comprehension. It is a place not observed by the best astronomers, but written in old texts by prophets.
I have an understanding that the world is composed of the good and redeemable. This mustard seed of faith allows me to believe essentially that my mother's death was not in vain, but aided in my maturation. It was an epiphany that only a higher power could have bestowed on me. I closed my eyes and realized that the bigger picture of life was more important than the details of the past. When I fail to remember the priorities of life, something unexplainable happens and is pointless to utilize logic to understand it. I believe my mother's death, as tragic as it was, showed me that life is too precious to waste on the petty details of everyday life. It is a difficult lesson to learn.
I desired a life that my mother knew I could live because I touched upon joy, peace, serenity, and freedom at the waterfall. I hoped that my mother was looking down from this blue-skied place and saw her daughter exhale her breath in release from self-torment. I opened my eyes. My sister met my gaze and I smiled at her.
I had ruminated about people, places, and events that had been long gone. I thanked my higher power to be able to experience my mother's presence one last time and say good-bye.
Life has changed since my mother's death. All life events aid in molding me like an artwork of clay and the choices and decisions that I make every day. Most of all, I love myself and others. I was basking in the needed sunlight of unconditional love that I am deserving of everything vital for a happy and joyous life. I reflected in self-actualization and self-change. Ironically, change is constant.
Change is difficult to do in life. Though, it was needed, it was tremendously arduous to do. It included a self-inventory. I had to change the way I lived my life, so that I could experience life to the fullest. The process of change is a holistic endeavor. It is a spiritual, mental, emotional, and even, physical quest to find one's self.
At the waterfall, I reflected on the way I had been living my life and it helped to metamorphasize me in my own life. I let go of character defects and held steadfastly the gifts I have been blessed; for example, empathy. I believe in using these gifts to achieve what is needed in life and to help others. In my life struggles, I have learned that my relationship with my Higher Power comes first. Then, my life needed to be in harmony with others and to be available to others for understanding and appreciation. As I follow my beliefs and remain flexible to change, I am going to continue to have a wonderful life. Even more so, I have an understanding of myself and the world I live in and it is this understanding that gives me purpose.
My life had been similar to the back of a yarn tapestry crisscrossed and knotted instead of the beautiful craftsmanship of the façade. Life has a way to veer someone onto their true path.
I met my sister, where she sat, fishing in her pockets to find some Ethiopian coins to give to the boys. I dressed quickly and followed everyone out to a different part of the waters and climbed into banana boats with my sister and glided down towards the sunset to where we had been camping along the river. As the sun set in its red and orange hues, I thanked my higher power to be able to experience the waterfall that changed my life forever.
