Reality - there is hardly a word more ambiguous in our vocabulary than precisely this one. That might sound strange, but only as long as we assume that there is only one, THE reality - and that's what most people do. I don't want to go into metaphysical speculations here, I've done that elsewhere and it would lead us away from the subject of this article. But I think we can agree that we all perceive reality differently. On a subjective level there are literally billions of realities, the number being exactly the same as the number of people who walk on this planet at any given time.
My reality is basically made up of the things I focus on. In the words of Anthony Robbins, we are ´deletion' creatures, only perceiving a very small percentage of what's going on around (and inside) ourselves, thereby deleting, not being conscious of, a myriad of other things that go on at the same time.
My past, at least those aspects and events of it I choose to remember, is definitely part of my everyday reality. My previous experiences determine to a great extent what I'm willing to focus on in my present. And, wether I do it consciously or not, I plan my future, develop my goals along those aspects of my present I'm not too happy with.
Let's look at a couple of examples. I very much doubt you would get Bill Gate's attention when talking to him about a new project or business opportunity that could make him a couple of million dollars in the end. This gentleman is loaded as far as money is concerned. I don't know him personally, but I do know that he will resign from Microsoft's day-to-day operations so that he can devote all his time to the foundation he set up so he can help more people. He's happy with the monetary aspects of his life, so he's in the enviable position to help on a grand scale to make this world a better place. That's one of his goals.
Jane, one of my students, got pregnant at the age of nineteen and married the father of her child, who was a boy himself at the time. Now she is in her late twenties and not too happy with her marriage. She has obviously matured over the past ten years and found out that her husband, a basically decent man, doesn't support her at all in her efforts to grow as a person and become the leader she inherently is. She will most likely divorce him and start looking for the man of her dreams.
In all our lives there are people and circumstances we are not too happy with, otherwise we wouldn't be human. So the goals we set (again, wether we do this consciously or not is irrelevant for this discussion) are many times juxta positions of the reality we live today.
If my monthly income doesn't allow me to drive the car I would like to have, that makes me unhappy. Being a proactive person I either start to develop strategies on how to increase my pay cheque or, not knowing that I at least potentially can reach all my goals, dream of firing my boss, set up my own business and make double the money I make now.
But it almost always starts with a feeling of discontent. A sensation of just not feeling good with the way things are now. Doesn't it make sense? I wouldn't be developing goals, I wouldn't be trying to improve my life if everything would make me feel marvelous, would I?
Let's get back to Bill Gates. In economic terms he reached (I would say surpassed) all his expectations. Does that turn him into a totally fulfilled and happy person. Of course not, because even Bill Gates is human, and as humans we can never be totally fulfilled and happy always. Sure, there are those moments of bliss, contentment and triumph, but they, like all other emotions, are temporary. Bill Gates is not a happy man, because he too sees the troubling things that go on all around us and by now has the means and the time to do something about it on a massive scale.
Feeling unhappy, discontent, disappointed or frustrated with the way things are, I start to think about changing that reality - I set goals and take action. And there is one, and one reason only, why you and I want the things we want - we want them because we believe that they make us feel better.
Think of it. That new BMW my heart yearns for, that ultimate expression of German reliability, comfort and style. Do I want it because it's faster than other cars? Of course not, because unless I take it to a race track I will never use all its horse powers. But it sure would give me a feeling of achievement.
Having your own business doesn't always mean that you make more money than in your current employment, but it sure would give you the independence and freedom you were always after. And how about that feeling of satisfaction when you finally tell your boss to stuff it?
That trip to the Amazon I've been dreaming of forever. It sure would help me to feel adventurous when making my way through the jungle. Providing my children with a better education sure makes me feel secure in the knowledge that I'm doing my part. Being in a loving relationship makes me feel complete and understood. The list is endless.
It all boils down to one thing. It's (emotional) states we are after, no matter how down-to-earth or ambitious our goals are. In the end we want what we want because we want to feel better about ourselves and the world we live in.
