WHAT MARRIAGE IS NOT…
- Marriage is not another life.
- Marriage is not leaving God in the lurch
- Marriage is not a union of two equal partners
- Marriage is not about being persistent
- Marriage is not what your mother or father told you
- Marriage is not an affair or guess work
- Marriage is not an escape route or to change your negative self image
- Marriage is not for comparison.
It is commonly believed that a man with solution never tells you things that are convenient for you. A successful day is born in a night time; a successful marriage needs to be planned for and the plans worked at because failing to plan is planning to fail while failing to implement the plans is worst than a night mare.
For a marriage to be really successful, the two people involved must put in their best. Marriage is a holy institution ordained by God. It is said to be the only game where both partners either win or loose.
Marriage is not another life:There should be no pretence in marriage, you are either in the union or you are not in it. There is no sitting on the fence about it. You still are your very self, you have not changed because you got married so don't look at yourself as a foreigner that doesn't even understand the foreign land he is visiting. What changed is your status not yourself; what changed is your name not your dreams, what changed is your location (if you moved from where you were residing before) not your aspirations. Don't go about acting funny and strange because you got married, if you become a stranger to yourself, it will take you a while before you come to term with this stranger and that time of studying your "new self" should have been allotted to something more useful. You are still you and living the life God gave you, marriage doesn't change that.
Marriage is not leaving God in the lurch:God is the vital part of your marriage because He is the Party that completed the third side of the triangle that represents marriage. Leaving Him out is signing for outright failure. He instituted marriage, He knows the ingredients to blend and it will come out sweet. When you don't love God, you lust for evil, when your love for God reduces, your taste for evil increases. More of God in your marriage will result to less of self; make your home all of God and none of self so your union will be blissful. Adam failed because he accepted self that Satan offered him thereby rejecting God, when a man backs God, he faces wilderness even in his marriage.
Marriage is not a union of two equal partners:Christ is the Head of the man and the man is the head of the woman in marriage. The woman is taken from the man's side, made from his ribs close to his heart to be loved and close to his arms to be protected. There is no human being that has two heads so a home shouldn't have two heads. The woman is not taken from the man's head to be above him neither his legs to be trampled upon. They are not equal, if you enter marriage with the concept that you are equal partners then you have been misguided. You are not opposite of each other rather you complement each other with the higher percentage coming from the man, never forget this.
Marriage is not about being persistent:There should be flexibility in marriage, don't make hard and fast rules that cannot be bent; that is they are either obeyed or broken no bending! In as much as there should be integrity and serious mindedness, there should equally be room for flexibility and relaxation. Try not to be unreasonable. For instance, you may have made a rule that none of the parties involved should disburse funds without the other's knowledge and one of you was pressed to do something with money and actually did so before coming to inform you, listen to him/her first before flaring up. If it was for a just cause, you don't need to react negatively; you don't need to be insistent on the rule you agreed upon. Be flexible even amidst the laid down rules and principles.
Marriage is not what your mother or father told you:Marriage is a union between two people; it is what both of you make out of it. The only other Being permitted to be part of the union for it to work out well is God. Don't carry the negative stories your mother or father (as the case may be) told you or painted for you about marriage to your union. Whatever they told you was their experience and not a yardstick for measuring a successful or otherwise marriage. This journey is what you should embark on with only God as your teacher, guide and counselor, any other suggestion or counsel that is against God's word is coming from an intruder, it doesn't matter who is giving it, he/she is an intruder so just accept their counsel and treat it like a gum-chew it and spit it out, never swallow it. You married a child of God, made in His Image, a child of destiny, an heir to the Monarch of the universe; don't reduce him/her to a commoner because of the negative experiences your parents told you of. Remember your joy, happiness, success in life and marriage is your sole responsibility, nobody has that luxurious ability to make your marriage a success except you. Remember it is better to work on your marriage and get it working than leaving it and going into another one for you may still encounter same challenges in that second one.
Marriage is not an affair:Marriage is a union between two matured minds- a man and a woman not between a boy and a girl, two men or two women; God created Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden not Abigail and Eve or Adam and Steve as one preacher puts it. Marriage is not an affair it is a union of responsibility designed for companionship, fulfilling each other's divine destiny, serving God better and giving your children the divine blue prints for their lives. It is not a trial and error business; it is God's plan for man not man's plan for himself so it is and should be treated as a serious relationship not an affair for meeting the insatiable needs of man. Watch your words and actions in this union, weigh them with God's principles found in the Scriptures, God has a lot of interest in this relationship. It is not a guessing game; it is a union where both parties are responsible and committed to the course of making the union successful. Remember this is the only relationship that was likened to Christ relationship with the church; the church is always referred to as the bride of Christ and men were told to love their wives as Christ loves the church.
Marriage is not an escape route:You don't get married because you want to escape from your parents, siblings or even yourself. It is not because you want to change your negative self image neither is it because you want to escape from an unhappy home, responsibilities or challenges at home. If you marry for the wrong reasons, you will end up enduring your marriage instead of enjoying it for marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured. Plan your life in a way that you won't be looking for escape route from yourself or people around you. Add virtue to yourself and when you do, you will definitely attract people who will value you as well, those who will recognize your worth and respect you for it. It is your sole responsibility to make yourself happy and worthy to be appreciated, no man will place value on you not even your spouse if you devalue yourself. Don't debase yourself thinking "someday I will get married and it will be all over". Marriage won't end your pains and sorrows if you didn't deliberately I mean consciously worked towards a life free from sorrows and pains. Believe this: marriage can even add to your problems if you step into it with the wrong mindset, wrong orientation and wrong footing.
Marriage is not for comparison:You are not getting married to change your spouse by comparing him/her to other fellows for any reason at all. If there is anybody that needs to change in that union, it should be you. What concept do you have of your union and your spouse? What picture do you have of your partner and your union inside of you? Always have and keep the correct picture of your partner and union because he/she will always live up to your expectations and pictures of him/her. Comparison is a game for fools and nobody wins in this game. You are all different entities on different missions and assignments so there should be no basis for comparison. Don't compare your spouse to this fellow or that fellow. Allow him/her be who he/she is created to be.
Now marriage is…
Having someone to curl up with when the whole world seems cold and life uncertain.
It is wrapping wrinkled knees in warm blankets and giggling without teeth.
It is looking into your spouse's eyes and see that you mattered.
It is a union for people bound to be united.
It is marrying your heartthrob not for how he/she looks or how talented he/she is but for love.
Marriage is hope fulfilled and dreams come true.
