Since I often write about preventing divorce, I am asked to help with this question quite a bit. Saving your marriage when you are the only one who wants to can seem an almost impossible task. (It's not, but I'll discuss that later.) In truth, I can't tell you precisely how to "make" your husband want to stay married, or how to "get" your husband to fall back in love with you. That's because every man is different. I don't know your husband intimately, but you do! Think about that for a second. You probably know your husband better than anyone else in this world. And that's where you have a great advantage. This intimate knowledge and and will be what will help you turn this thing around to stop the divorce.
Understand That Changing Your Husband's Mind About A Divorce Needs To Feel Like His Own Idea:Let's get this out of the way. Do you like being manipulated or tricked? Of course you don't. No one does. So, understand going in that you shouldn't try to "trick" or "make" your husband change his mind about a divorce.
BUT, your actions can greatly contribute to his changing his mind and wanting to stay in or save the marriage. You can do things and act in a certain way that is going to make your husband WANT to stay on his own.
This is really the only way to do it because if you succeed in "convincing," forcing, or bugging your husband – if you question him or beat him down so that he finally gives in just to stop the noise, this will back fire on you in the end. He will feel resentful. His heart will not be in it and when you eventually revisit talks of divorce the next time, he's not going to allow you access to him to avoid a repeat of this negative experience.
Replacing Negatives Feelings And Actions With Positive Ones To Make Your Husband Want To Stay:Obviously, if your husband is wanting a divorce, there's a lot of negative water under the bridge. Whether you've just grown apart or one of you has make a regrettable mistake, or you are suffering through a stressful situation, I'd be willing to bet that, when your husband thinks about the marriage, he (only right now, not forever) associates it with more negative feelings than positive ones.
To change your husband's mind about the divorce, you must first change the negative emotions and experiences he's feeling and associating with you and the marriage.
First, check yourself that you aren't participating in any negative behaviors that are pushing him further away – like repeatedly arguing, belittling, engaging with, following, making threats, etc. It's so easy to panic when your husband mentions a divorce and allow those feelings of panic to make you believe that you have to do something drastic to get your husband's attention.
Unfortunately, doing so if only going to drive your husband further away and potentially make you appear less attractive to him. He will experience even more negative feelings when he thinks of you.
Am I saying that you should kiss up to your husband and let him off the hook when you really are angry? No, not at all. But, I'm suggesting that you try to get out your negative emotions some where else and that when you are with your husband, you present what you know is the best version of yourself (and the woman he fell in love with.)
When you feel the urge to do something that is unbecoming and not typical of you, ask yourself if the roles were reversed and your husband were acting the way that you are now, how attracted would you be to him? Be honest.
Now, I know you may be thinking (as I was), "Well, why am I the one doing all the giving? Why am I doing all the work?" True, it may seem this way at first, but think about this. You acted in such away when you were dating that your husband feel deeply in love with you. Did you feel put or inconvenienced then? I would bet not. I would bet that you were in love and deeply happy.
To save your marriage, you will need to get back to this place. It will make you both happier and more fulfilled.
One day, when I was arguing this very same point to a good friend of mine, she turned to me and said "Yes, Leslie, but would you rather by right or happy?" Well, duh. I wanted to be happy with my husband, not without him, but I couldn't see that my actions were contributing to me not having this.
Don't be indignant and unyielding all the way to divorce court. Understand that giving your husband more of what he wants will allow you to get exactly what you want, which is to save your marriage and return it to a happy, loving place.
How did I learn this? Through making a lot of mistakes, research, and trying new things when trying to save my own marriage when I was the only one who wanted to. Eventually, (though commitment and lots of effort), I was able to not only save the marriage, but make it stronger. You can read my very personal story of how I stopped the divorce (when I was the only one interested in doing so) on my blog at
