Have you been to a children’s party recently? Was it full of laughing children getting far too loud and just a little bit out of control? Did the noise level mean your ears were ringing for hours afterwards? Pretty normal for a kid’s party. But was there one child who didn’t leave their mother’s side, no matter how she urged them too? Was there one child who cowered and hid their face when the clown arrived to do his party tricks?
Why is it that some kids just throw caution to the wind in the pursuit of having fun with their friends while others cling and cry and are afraid of everything? It’s a bit annoying really, the way they carry on. After all, everybody else’s kids are getting on with it, aren’t they?
Well no, it would appear that they aren’t actually. Studies have shown that more than 10% of children and teenagers suffer from such anxiety that it affects their quality of life. They suffer from anxiety disorders that could culminate in anxiety attacks. That’s a lot of worried kids in what most adults recall as being the best years of their life.
So how do you know if your child is one of them? How can you tell if the anxiety your child displays is ‘normal’ or not? Fear is a normal part of growing up and it’s in the facing of our fears that we learn self confidence. Some children go forth bravely while others are more timid when faced with something new. That’s okay. Everyone is different. Sometimes, it’s far more sensible to be anxious in a new situation and assess the dangers before proceeding, especially when you are only little.
But it’s when these anxieties stop your child from doing everyday things that you should become concerned. Are they afraid to sleep alone? Are they unable to play with other children? Do they become frightened if you go into another room and they are unable to see you? These are some of the signs of an over-anxious child.
Over-anxious children are often perfectionists. They won’t submit school work until it is absolutely perfect; they won’t go out unless every hair is in place. Their shoes need to be spotless and their rooms immaculate, otherwise they can’t rest. They may develop phobias or obsessions and no matter how you reassure them, they won’t be talked around.
This also applies to older children. Adolescence is a particularly fraught time for most. Worries about being accepted, being liked, doing well at school or sports are common place. However, some teenagers become so anxious about these things that they are unable to cope and so develop avoidance behaviors. They skip school, don’t leave their room, don’t hang out with their friends and some even become physically ill.
These are the signs to look out for. Has the anxiety reached such a stage that your child has developed coping mechanisms that interfere with everyday life? Do you have to constantly reassure them to the point where it seems you do little else and yet they still don’t respond positively? Do they worry about an up-coming event for weeks beforehand to such an extent where they can’t eat or sleep? Do they worry too much about pleasing other people or spend too much time apologizing?
If you recognize any of these behaviors or are concerned about your child, then help is available. You can look into some of the things you can do as a parent or seek the advice or help of your doctor or perhaps a psychologist. The important thing is that you do something about the problem. Otherwise your over-anxious child will grow into an over-anxious adult and the coping mechanisms they employ may become more serious or even life-threatening.
