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According to recent studies, men are two and a half times more likely to commit suicide after divorce as compared to women. These studies have put an end to the famous mistaken belief that women suffer more after divorce.
Women have long been termed as emotional beings by their male counterparts. In fact, it is common for men to ridicule and even feel frustrated about the emotional quotient displayed by women. However, truth is, it is this emotional quotient that helps women cope with divorce far more easily than men. Women tend to make friendships on a far deeper emotional level than men do. These friendships help women deal with their feelings during and after the divorce process because women are able to talk to their friends about their concerns and problems.
Men, on the other hand, tend to form friendships wherein they can get to “hang out” with their friends but not talk about their deep inner feelings. Since men are not able to voice out their bitterness and hurt felt during the divorce, they tend to feel a void in their lives. In fact, it is common for men to seclude themselves from their friends because they do not even know how to have fun with their friends when their minds weigh so heavily with emotional baggage related to divorce.
Men tend to feel more shattered than women after the divorce because in most of the divorce cases involving children, the custody of the children is awarded to the mother. Therefore, all of a sudden, men find themselves to be a mere visitor in their child’s life, which can be a very tough emotion to deal with.
Children tend to act as stress busters during the divorce process because they become a source of love and support after divorce. While custodial mothers are able to reap the rewards of this love and affection and cope with divorce easily, non-custodial fathers tend to feel very lonely because they not only lose their status of being a husband but also of being a father.
It is common for men to blame themselves after the divorce because they feel that divorce could have been averted if they had been more sensitive to their troubled marriage. Truth is, no matter how much a wife complains about problems or concerns in a marriage, husbands mostly never understand the importance of these issues. For that reason, when wives file for a divorce, most husbands are in state of shock. When men are unable to deal with their feelings of guilt, bitterness, loneliness, and anger, suicide seems to be the only alternative.
Survival Strategies for Men to Avoid Suicidal Tendencies
- Communicate
It is extremely important for men to talk about their feelings and concerns to someone that they can trust and depend on. Since many men do not know how to talk about their innermost feelings to their male friends, it might help if you seek help of a female friend or relative. Often, gaining insights to problems from a female perspective can be of huge help during such a tough time.
If you feel that there is no one you can turn to, seek professional help. Professional therapists will not only help you to overcome your fears and problems but will also help you find solutions to these issues and fears. It is important to remember that your inner healing phase will not start unless you let out the bitterness, sadness, or frustration associated with divorce.
- Join a Divorce Support Group
Joining a divorce support group is a good way to understand that you are not the only one in this tough situation. There are some divorce groups that specifically cater to the needs of divorced men. Joining these groups is a good way to find out what tools and strategies others have used to cope with the stress and problems related to divorce.
- Forgive and Move On
Many times we are not able to move on with our lives after a bitter incident because we fail to forgive those who have caused us hurt and pain. However, truth is, the best way to relieve ourselves of our pain is to forgive the person who is the source of the pain. By forgiving and moving on with your life, you close a bitter chapter of your life and accept the outcome as an eventuality.
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