You have been visiting the same old haunts trying to catch a glimpse of your ex. You have also exhausted mutual friends by constantly asking them have they spoken with or see your ex. They are thinking about changing their number and moving out of the country just to avoid you.
Your social circle has tried to fix you up with a couple of dates but quickly abandoned that project. Either you keep giving them the brush off or when you do decide to go out you are about as much fun as a sinus headache.
On those occasions when you do see your ex, your attempts to play it cool fall flat. They know you want them back and you know that they know. This only makes the two of you meeting that much more uncomfortable.
So what's the solution? Give up. No matter how much you pine for it, everyday that goes by it becomes clearer that you two have no future together. All the advice from relationship experts and friends (the ones that are still speaking to you) is not going to work. Why should you just pack it in and ease on down the road?
1. Time
As in you're wasting it. Yes the poets and songwriters talk about they will wait forever until their true love returns; you on the other hand do not have that long. For us humans, time is not an infinite commodity. The more you spend trying to pursue your ex the less time you have to go out and meet someone new.
2. Handing Over Your Happiness
Each of us has a certain amount of clout at our disposal. By constantly begging your ex to take you back (and in reality that is what you are doing) you are not only handing over your power but making your ex responsible for your happiness. Naturally outside forces and circumstances affect our well being but the ability to make yourself happy should be overwhelmingly within your control.
3. The One That Does Not
Let's say after constant effort and badgering that your ex decides to get back with you. Great. Now ask yourself why? Was it to get you off their back, because they felt sorry for you or they genuinely missed you? Hopefully it's the last one but there is no guarantee. And keep in mind if they have been paying any kind of attention they know full well they have power over you. That's an unsettling proposition particularly when you consider a relationship is supposed to be a joining of equals.
4. The One That Does
Running after someone who has been in a relationship with you and does not want to go thru it again means you are giving short shrift to someone who does want to get to know you better. After awhile you spend so much time trying to get your ex back that the person or persons that did have an interest in you disappear from your life or move onto someone who has been checking them out. That's a lot of misdirected energy wasted with nothing to show for it.
Some couples do get back together and come out better than before. But for too many others it is nothing more than an idealized fantasy which never comes to pass. Be thankful for what you and you ex had but now do yourself (and them) a favor and move on down the road to see what you can get.
