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Break-ups are tough. I should know: I've been through my fair share! A lot of the time leaving your partner behind can feel like kicking a drug. You think about them 24/7; desperate for just one more "fix" of that special person. If only you could have them back in your life just ONE last time, you'd give ANYTHING. It's natural that a lot of guys yearn to get back with their ex-girlfriend or spouse. Sometimes a break-up can be sudden, and to be suddenly denied the right to intimacy (physical and emotional) with someone can be soul destroying to say the least. Even when a guy spots a break-up coming from a mile away as the relationship go downhill, the eventual heartbreak of a split can still be unbearable. Some studies indicate that heartbreak can be more emotionally devastating than dealing with the DEATH of a family member. How crazy is that? Well, If you're going through a break-up right now, it probably doesn't sound so crazy to you!
It's understandable that many guys want to keep their special person in their life after a break-up; they simply can't bear the thought of not seeing them or being in contact with them. In desperation, guys promise to "stay friends" with their ex. Secretly, most of these guys think that by hovering around their girlfriend as a "friend", eventually she'll come to her senses and take them back, right? She'll realise what she's missing if they're extra nice to her and shower her with gifts and compliments, right? Wrong. DEAD wrong.
Giving your ex "friendship" after a break-up spells suicide for any chance of you getting back together with her.
Let me explain.
A break-up is like a shipwreck. No matter how she presents herself after a break-up, your girlfriend will undoubtedly be hurting, just like you are. Both you and your girlfriend are lost in a "sea" of turmoil. Offering your girlfriend your hand in friendship after the break-up is like helping her swim to shore. You're there for her, making sure she doesn't drown on the way. All the time you're her friend, you'll be helping rebuild her ego simply by being there for her. She'll derive strength from the knowledge that you're always around for her, friend or otherwise. What has she lost? Not much since you're still in the picture for her! (Just in the wrong way - as a friend)
By staying in the "friend zone" after a break-up, you'll be helping her make it to an emotionally stable state once more (dry land). Being there for her gives her a safety net - she probably knows you want her back, and this means she doesn't feel any sense of rejection. Your presence is helping her get to shore. And as soon as she hits that steady, rocky beach - as soon as she feels confident again and ready (thanks to YOUR hard work and emotional support), she's going to move on. And not with you. She'll find someone else. You're just a friend to her now, remember? You, however, tired out from constant efforts to try and win her back will be left in the sea to drown, and you know what? She isn't coming back for you. You'll feel miserable, and she'll have moved on. Sound good to you?
This is the typical outcome of staying friends with an ex.
Do you want to get her back? The first thing you need to do is take a step back. You are not friends. You will not be there for her right now. You don't have to tell her you hate her or anything, but make sure you create a little distance from her for now. This should be the first step in any successful plan to getting an ex lover back.
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